


His plan

by RainbowPlane



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Depression, I'm still not good at tagging, KageHina - Freeform, M/M, One Shot, Self Harm, i think, me trying to write angsty stuff, much angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-20
Updated: 2016-06-20
Packaged: 2018-07-16 06:19:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7255930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RainbowPlane/pseuds/RainbowPlane
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hinata and Kageyama have been teammates for a while now, but Kageyama never seemed to care much for anything. And Hinata tried to figure out why, which could only result in lots of angst. (Warning, contains depression, self harm and even suicide. Be careful.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	His plan

**Author's Note:**

> Yeey, my second kagehina fic. This is the first time I really tried to make an angst fic, I have written stories with angst in them before, but not like this. I hope I didn't screw up to much. Like the summary said the story contains many not so nice subject. So please don't read this if you can't handle those. Otherwise enjoy. (Can you say 'enjoy' for a fic like this?)

It has been a while since Hinata started high school. He still clearly remembered his first day at the volleyball club. Finding Kageyama there, while he swore to defeat him. But so much has changed since then. They were actually working together now, as a team. Hinata definitely saw Kageyama as his friend now, even though he kept being mean to him. Hinata never understood why. Kageyama didn’t show many positive emotions at all. Mostly he didn’t show any. Hinata was always wondering why he acted like this. Never really figuring out the truth, until a certain day.

‘’Hey, Kageyama-kun. Can we stay for extra practice again? I still haven’t spiked enough balls yet.’’ Hinata asked Kageyama, after official practice was over. ‘’Yeah, sure.’’ He reacted. ‘’Why do you always sound so uncaring? Or angry?’’ ‘’I don’t.’’ ‘’You definitely do.’’ ‘’It’s none of your business.’’ ‘’Fine then. Shall we start?’’ Then they continued their training. This was the way it has been for a while now. Hinata kept trying to figure out what was wrong, and Kageyama not reacting to it. But since Hinata knew pushing wouldn’t get him anywhere he didn’t try too hard. He didn’t want to make Kageyama really angry. He’s scary when angry. 

‘’Hinata! You dumbass! Don’t lose your focus.’’ Kageyama yelled as Hinata missed the ball. ‘’Ey, it’s not my fault. You’re the one losing focus here, your toss was terrible.’’ ‘’It was? Oh.’’ Then Kageyama seemed to have spaced out. ‘’Let’s quit for today.’’ Kageyama said as he started to gather balls. ‘’But I’m not done yet!’’ Hinata yelled. ‘’Well, I am. Help me clean up.’’ After they were done they went to walk home. ‘’What’s up with you today? You seem kinda weird.’’ Hinata asked. ‘’Nothing.’’ Was Kageyama’s only reaction. ‘’But you’re this quiet. You’ve always been quieter than I remembered actually. Did something change?’’ ‘’No, it didn’t. And even it that was the case I wouldn’t tell you.’’ ‘’Why not? We’re friends, right?’’ ‘’No. We definitely aren’t friends. We’re teammates who happen to work together more because we’re also a combi team. That’s it.’’ Kageyama started to sound angry. ‘’I will be turning left here. Goodnight.’’ Then Kageyama separated himself from the other boy. Leaving him completely confused.

Hinata was officially worried now. He knew something was up with Kageyama, but now his volleyball performance seemed to suffer from it as well. And that made him clear something was wrong. Although him saying they weren’t friends at all did hurt Hinata a bit, that wasn’t something he worried about. He has always been distant. But losing focus while playing volleyball was definitely not right. While cycling the remaining road home Hinata decided to try harder and figure out what was bothering Kageyama so much.  
‘’Hey, Kageyama, good morning!’’ Hinata said as he got to school the next morning. They bumped into each other at the school gate. Kageyama only didn’t react. ‘’Ey, wake up! Why aren’t you saying anything?’’ Hinata tried again. ‘’Oh, yes. Good morning.’’ Kageyama mumbled. ‘’You’re getting worse every day. Just what is wrong with you?!’’ ‘’I already told you nothing’s wrong. Let’s just go to training and don’t speak. Okay?’’ ‘’Fine.’’ And Hinata kept gaining evidence.

It was lunchtime. Hinata went to find Kageyama. To perhaps do some more training. While walking into his classroom he was nowhere to be found. Then Hinata decided to check the gym if he wasn’t already there. But after only finding a deserted hall he became a little worried. Where could he even be? Hinata spent the entire lunchbreak looking for Kageyama, without any success. He went back to his own classroom for the next lesson. Finally finding Kageyama as he was entering his own class. ‘’Hey, Kageyama-kun! Where have you been? I was looking for you, you know?’’ Hinata asked him. ‘’Class is about to start.’’ Was his only response as he got into his class. Never even looking in Hinata’s direction. Hinata then went to his own class, although not being able to concentrate at all. 

Kageyama also didn’t speak to him during afternoon practice. Only when really needed. ‘’Kageyama-kun, are you staying for late practice again? Please??’’ Hinata asked. ‘’No, I’m busy today.’’ He responded. ‘’With what? You’ve never been too busy to not stay. Why are you acting so weird?!’’ ‘’I’m not! Just leave it. Can’t someone like me be busy once in a while?!’’ Kageyama started to yell. ‘’Not when they have been acting weird the whole time already! Why can’t you just tell me what’s wrong?!’’ Hinata also raised his voice. ‘’Since nothing us wrong! Why can’t you believe me when I say so?! Just leave me alone! Never speak to me ever again!!’’ With those words he left the court. 

Hinata stepped forwards to follow him, but he was held back by Sugawara. ‘’Don’t go after him now, he seems really upset. Going after him won’t help.’’ He said to Hinata. ‘’I know. I only wished he was more open with me. Something’s clearly wrong. And I only want to help him.’’ Hinata said. ‘’I know. I’ve also noticed some weird behaviour from him. He seemed to have changed a lot since middle school. He’s nothing like I remember while seeing him play. But I believe he will come to us when he’s ready. So don’t push him too much.’’ ‘’I won’t. Thanks Sugawara-san.’’ ‘’If you really understand you can go to the clubroom. If he’s still there make sure to apologise to him. And tell him that if there’s something bothering him he can always come to us.’’ ‘’Okay.’’ Then Hinata ran off, hoping Kageyama was still there.

Hinata walked into the clubroom. Finding Kageyama there. He was changing. ‘’Hey, I’m really sorry about earlier. I shouldn’t have assumed things like that. But I was told to let you know that if something is wrong, you could always come to the team.’’ Kageyama turned around. Now facing Hinata. ‘’I see. Well I suppose I should apologise as well. For yelling at you like that.’’ Hinata opened his mouth to say something, but then he noticed something in Kageyama’s inner thigh. ‘’What’s that?’’ He asked while pointing at the strange lines. ‘’Oh, nothing. Don’t worry about it.’’ Kageyama sounded nervous, really nervous. But since Hinata didn’t want to start another fight he didn’t question it. Kageyama quickly put on his pants. Then the others came in as well. And Kageyama left before Hinata got another chance to speak to him.

When getting home Hinata quickly went behind his computer. Hoping that he could find something about the strange lines online. And what he found really shocked him, a lot.

Hinata was still in shock the next day, and he didn’t know what to do. Should he say something? Should he make him feel better? And how? Hinata didn’t have an answer to any of those questions. Unfortunately he didn’t get more time to think about it, while walking to school he bumped into Kageyama. ‘’Uhm, hey.’’ Hinata said, trying to sound normal. ‘’Hey.’’ Kageyama simply said. Then they walked next to each other in complete silence. And they didn’t even speak another word to each other the whole day, until afternoon practice was over.

‘’Kageyama-kun, can I speak to you for a moment?’’ Hinata asked as they were alone in the club room, everyone else left already. ‘’Aren’t you already doing so?’’ He responded. ‘’Yes, I’m sorry.’’ Hinata then became quiet again. ‘’Well, what is it? I don’t have much time left, so make it quick.’’ ‘’I know what those lines are now.’’ After Hinata said that sentence Kageyama’s expression completely changed. He was extremely shocked to hear that. But that moment went over pretty fast. He returned to his normal uncaring expression soon after, still panicking though. Thinking about a way out. ‘’Kageyama? I’m sorry, I didn’t have any clue what they could be so I searched on the internet. And the results weren’t good at all. I never knew you were feeling like this. Why didn’t you say anything?’’ Hinata asked. ‘’There isn’t anything wrong, I keep telling you so. You can’t rely on the internet for answers.’’ Kageyama reacted. ‘’Please, just let me help. Or at least tell me what made you do this.’’ ‘’No Hinata! I won’t tell you anything!’’ Kageyama started to raise his voice, looking more angry than usual. ‘’So I was right?? There is something wrong! Why won’t you talk to me about it? We’re friends, even when you deny it.’’ ‘’Because I don’t want to hurt others as well!’’ Kageyama’s eyes started to become watery. ‘’Wh-what do you mean by that?’’ Hinata was shocked. ‘’Nothing.’’ With that sentence Kageyama ran outside, tears now streaming down his face but making sure Hinata didn’t see. And Hinata really didn’t know what to do next.

Kageyama wasn’t at school the next day, which made Hinata worry even more. He asked around to see if anyone knew why he wasn’t there, but no one had answers. Some people even came to Hinata for those answers. So now Hinata was scared he was too late. He has been on his computer the whole night, reading a lot about a certain subject, depression. He found lots of information which he could use to help Kageyama, but he also found out what he might do, or already did. Hinata didn’t want to think about it, but the thought kept returning to his mind. And he was really scared he pushed Kageyama over the edge with that last conversation.

Hinata fell asleep during his last class if the day, which wasn’t that shocking. Considering how little he slept that night. And while he was asleep he had a dream, a dream which made him feel even worse. He dreamed he walked into the gym for practice, but it was dark inside. Until one light went on, which prevailed Kageyama’s body, hanging in the middle of the room. When Hinata realised Kageyama was dead, the body began to speak. ‘’So, you’re actually here? That’s really brave of you, considering what you’ve done.’’ Kageyama said. ‘’What do you mean? I didn’t do anything!’’ Hinata reacted with a shaky voice. ‘’You already know, you made me do this. It’s your fault I’m dead. But that’s fine, I have prepared a second rope. Just for you.’’ Kageyama pointed next to him where the second rope hung. ‘’No, please don’t die. I didn’t want to make you kill yourself! I only wanted to help!’’ ‘’I’m already dead, there’s nothing you can do about that. Just accept the facts and come here, you will feel much better.’’ ‘’No! I don’t want to, even when you die I will live!’’ ‘’Why?’’ ‘’Because there has to be someone to remember you! And you said before that you didn’t want to hurt me, so I won’t hurt myself either!’’ ‘’Well, I suppose we will see what happens then.’’ Then the dream ended, right when the bell rang.

Hinata couldn’t take it anymore, he needed to see if Kageyama was okay. So he decided to skip practice and go to Kageyama’s house. He has never been there before, but he knew the address. No one answered the door while he knocked. After three attempts he considered giving up. But he realised he couldn’t. He needed to see Kageyama, right now. So he walked to the back door and tried to open it, with success. He first checked every room downstairs before he went to the other floor. There he immediately saw which room was Kageyama’s, due to the little volleyball sticker on the door. And after getting in, he stood in a dark room again. And he was really scared his dream was more right than he wanted.  
Kageyama-kun? Are you there?’’ Hinata asked. He didn’t see anything at first. But then he seemed to have noticed Kageyama, who covered himself by his blanket. ‘’Go away.’’ Was his only response. ‘’No, I don’t want to.’’ Hinata went to sit at the side of the bed. ‘’It doesn’t matter what you want. There’s nothing you can do. So just give up and go home.’’ Hinata could hear Kageyama had cried recently. ‘’Why can’t you accept my help? I have been reading a lot about helping you yesterday, so I know what to do.’’ ‘’No, you don’t. And leave me. We’re just members of the same club, remember? You don’t have any need to help me.’’ ‘’But you are my friend.’’ ‘’No, I’m not. And I never will.’’ That sentence hurt Hinata a lot. ‘’But why? Why can’t we be friends?’’ ‘’Because, because I will only hurt you later on. And I don’t want to go through the same thing again.’’ They both kept quiet for a while. Hinata didn’t know how to respond to that. ‘’Through what?’’ Hinata tried. Kageyama kept quiet, he realised he said too much. ‘’Kageyama? Please tell me. I have read many articles which said that talking about your problems is the first step in solving them.’’ Still no sound. Without thinking Hinata laid on top of the ball which supposed to be Kageyama, trying to hug him. ‘’Please tell me.’’ Hinata almost whispered. Then he heard a sound, he heard Kageyama crying. ‘’Hey, it’s okay. I will be here for you.’’ He whispered. ‘’Wh-why are you even still trying? I did everything to keep you away from me, but you’re still here.’’ Kageyama asked, still crying. ‘’Because you’ve helped me. You were the first real setter who has ever tossed to me. I’m really grateful for that, so I want to help you as well.’’ Hinata pulled the blanket away a bit, freeing Kageyama’s face. They looked each other in the eyes for a moment, both seeing their emotions clearly. ‘’Please tell me what made you like this.’’ Hinata said again. ‘’I-I don’t know how.’’ Was Kageyama’s response. ‘’I’m sure you will figure that out.’’ Hinata said, then he hugged Kageyama one more time.

After that Hinata went to sit up again, Kageyama actually following his example. ‘’Just begin to tell something, the rest will follow.’’ Hinata said. ‘’Okay then.’’ Kageyama looked straight into Hinata’s eyes again. ‘’I- uh, you know most of the story already. The moment my whole team turned their back to me is the reason I am like this now. I realised what a terrible person I was, and that I didn’t have any right to be alive. I never blamed them, only myself. The only real reason why I’m still alive is because I don’t want to hurt my mom. So I decided to continue to live until I can move out. I will break all connection with other people and die alone. This is the only way not to hurt others. I didn’t want to get attached to anyone in school either. I didn’t even want to join the volleyball club, but I realised I needed some distraction, so I joined. But I also didn’t count on someone like you who would keep pushing me until I told him everything, so I suppose I don’t have any plan left now.’’ Kageyama looked down. ‘’Well, I got one for you. Let me help you to get over it. No one will ever turn their back to you like that, and I’m sure you can be a great person. At least start with stopping to hurt yourself, I don’t think it helps much.’’ Hinata said. ‘’Why are you like this? You immediately start to make a plan to help, even after I rejected you many times.’’ ‘’I suppose I seem to like you.’’ ‘’Well, don’t. I don’t have any trait to like.’’ ‘’You do, you’re a great volleyball player, and you care a lot about others. Even though you don’t show that much.’’ Kageyama cried some more tears after hearing that. ‘’Hey, don’t cry anymore. Everything is going to be okay now, you don’t have to be sad anymore.’’ ‘’I’m not crying because I’m sad now, you dumbass.’’ Then Kageyama pulled Hinata into a tight hug. And they stayed like this for a long time.

It took a long time before Kageyama realised how lucky he was to have someone like Hinata. Thanks to him Kageyama found a reason to live, his new boyfriend. Even though Hinata couldn’t handle everything alone, he did made him realise he didn’t want to die just yet. So they went together to find professional help for Kageyama, which resulted into the person he is now, happier than ever before.


End file.
